Hold On, But Don’t Hold Still by Kristina Kuzmic

• Publisher: Penguin Life
• Pub Date: February 9, 2021
• Rating: 5.0

I absolutely loved this book. Hold On But Don’t Hold Still is a quick easy read but don’t think that means it’s a light read. This touched on a lot of sensitive topics around family and parenting dynamics and I really appreciated the authentic insight and humor. It was a great read and I imagine it would’ve been a fantastic audiobook to listen to since it was narrated by the author. If you haven’t heard of Kristina Kuzmic before, you have now. I highly recommend you go get yourself a copy of her book! There were so many wonderful stories and some truly heartbreaking ones too. So many great ideas for families raising children and tons of bits that were so good I had to write them down.

Concepts / ideas / stories that I loved:

• I loved the concept of ‘switching roles’ when you’re having an argument. You have to switch perspective and argue the other person’s viewpoint.
• I love their ‘Yeah – But’ to find positive things despite the negative stuff.
• I loved the Croatian saying she shares – everyone is a blacksmith of their joy. ‘We should make an effort to create happiness in our lives instead of blaming our unhappiness on everyone and everything else.’
• I loved the comment about asking if your child’s significant other likes you, when everyone else is gossiping and asking if you like them. Reality check that it goes both ways and you should always be kind and respectful, especially because this is someone your child has chosen and loves.
• One of the stories she shares is about when her 11 year old son ‘came out’ and wanted to let his parents know that he was straight. ‘When you’ve figured out that part of yourself and are ready, you share it. You come out.’ I absolutely loved this.
• I love the idea of birthday wishes being said out loud. Shout it out so that you can share your dreams and the people in your life can help you work on achieving those goals and dreams. I never thought about how ridiculous it is to raise kids to not say their wish out loud, that somehow voicing your dreams is a jinx and that it wouldn’t be able to come true. We should teach children to embrace their goals and connect with their loved ones to help them make those dreams a reality. Support for one another is so important.
• Content Warnings: childhood sexual assault, adulthood sexual assault, divorce, financial difficulty, stepfamilies, miscarriage

Favorite Quotes

‘Please choose to give yourself more credit than criticism and more grace than judgement. You deserve it. And it will change you.’

‘I will screw up as a parent. But the biggest failure I could ever make is allowing my pride to be greater than my child’s need to hear me admit I’m wrong when I’m wrong. Owning my mistakes and apologizing for them doesn’t diminish my power as a parent. It increases it. Apologizing and being able to move forward also demonstrates resilience to my kids – that being wrong won’t keep you from receiving love or deserving happiness. My children will learn nothing from me if I foolishly act as if I’m always right, but they will learn everything from me if I live my life as an honest, vulnerable, flawed human.’

‘Those who judge and shame others (and disguise it as “I have a right to share my opinion”) are often the most insecure and miserable people. Think about it. Have you ever met a super judgmental person who was actually genuinely happy and fulfilled? Nope. Insecurities and dissatisfaction with one’s own life lead to judgment; judgement leads to unkindness,; and unkindness leads to even more insecurities. And so it goes, round and round, only adding hurt to everyone involved.’

‘Does every opinion you have need to be voiced? If you answer is yes, you’re an ass.’

‘We all have a calling in life. It doesn’t have to be something extravagant; it doesn’t have to save the world. Your calling might not even necessarily be a part of your career, but we all have strengths and talents and passions, and when we turn up the volume on those, and turn down the volume on all the outside voices, that’s when we find true success.’

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