Don’t air your dirty laundry in public

I need you to say, ‘Ryan you have my permission to call (whatever his name is) on KIIS FM.’

You’re missing out on some major early morning entertainment if you’ve never heard of ‘Ryan’s Roses’. If you listen to KIIS FM, then you already know what I’m talking about, but if you don’t have a clue, read on.

I’m going to introduce you to the concept of Ryan’s Roses. According to Ryan Seacrest, ‘It’s a public service for men or women who think they are being cheated on by their significant other’. Basically Ryan has Patty call and offer a free dozen roses that can be sent to whomever they want, all they need is the name of the person, a quick note and an address and the flowers will get delivered that same day. Patty tells them that there’s no catch, the roses are free and all that she asks in return is a good Yelp review or a shout-out on social media. Sounds like a good deal, especially nowadays with how important social media is for businesses to be successful and stay relevant. The catch, obviously, is that the poor cheating-most likely-guy or girl will be caught red-handed if they send the flowers to anyone other than the person that asked Ryan to make the call.

Now you can imagine the crazy responses and conversations that come as a result of these ‘Roses’ calls. Generally, the significant other sends the flowers to someone other than their partner and either admits to cheating or blatantly tries to lie their way out of being caught. Sometimes they send the flowers to their partner and every so often they refuse the offer and thinks it’s a scam.

Sending the flowers to someone else, depending on the note in the card, doesn’t prove they’re cheating. Sending the flowers to their significant other doesn’t prove they’re not cheating. And refusing to send them at all just proves they’re not gullible and not immediately trusting of some random person on the phone that you never gave your number to.

The saddest part of the whole thing is that in almost every situation there is a major lack of communication. You found a pair of panties that aren’t yours in your laundry that you think belong to your 3x a week cleaning lady, and instead of asking your husband who they belong to, you decide that broadcasting your issues to the world (or at least a huge number of Southern Californians) is the answer to find out if he’s cheating. If you ask him about it, he feeds you a somewhat far-fetched story and you still have a deep in your gut feeling that something’s going on, then maybe you could resort to Ryan’s Roses. But until you’ve attempted to talk to him about whatever is bothering you, you’re probably only going to make it worse by putting him unwillingly on the radio and you’ll likely end up embarrassing yourself.

Lesson of the story, don’t air your dirty laundry in public. Learn how to have a conversation and communicate, no matter how delicate the situation might be. But hey, their humiliation is my morning entertainment, so keep it coming. If you can’t convince people to make good decisions with their lives, at least you can enjoy a good laugh over the pathetic nature of it all and hope that you didn’t just witness the beginning of someone’s world crumbling to pieces.